There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
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So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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