They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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