she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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