No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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