i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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