You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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