Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize