Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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