Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
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I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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