Sorry, I don't speak sober.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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