hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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