shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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