I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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