Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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