She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
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If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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