I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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