EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
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I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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