I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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