Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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