Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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