it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize