i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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