Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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