He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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