i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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