gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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