I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
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You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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