He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Someone came in the potted fern
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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