It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize