Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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