So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize