Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize