You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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