He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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