he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize