the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is Oprah even human
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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