I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
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I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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