I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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