She is in my trunk
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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