You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
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Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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