Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.

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(203): I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche. http://tfl.nu/n3n6

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.

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(504): Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to. http://tfl.nu/jn1k

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.

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(405): I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat. http://tfl.nu/2u5h

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(860): View more from Connecticut

he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep

(860): View more from Connecticut

yeah i got into a fight with my man last night

(860): View more from Connecticut

why can't men just shut up and put out?

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(860): he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep (860): yeah i got into a fight with my man last night (860): why can't men just shut up and put out? http://tfl.nu/05si

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky

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(401): i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky http://tfl.nu/0cqb

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(404): View more from Georgia

So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.

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(404): So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that. http://tfl.nu/ssua

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(860): View more from Connecticut

just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack

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(860): just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack http://tfl.nu/aa3v

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(905): View more from Ontario

Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun

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(905): Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun http://tfl.nu/uh6g

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.

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(617): Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way. http://tfl.nu/5f04

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.

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(484): I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case. http://tfl.nu/welv

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.

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(717): Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl. http://tfl.nu/lse9

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(641): View more from Iowa

I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

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(641): I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. http://tfl.nu/90tm

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(646): View more from New York

This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie

(347): View more from New York

It's not

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(646): This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie (347): It's not http://tfl.nu/v5wf

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.

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(910): I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend. http://tfl.nu/txzp

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(314): View more from Missouri

He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.

(636): View more from Missouri

Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...

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(314): He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on. (636): Sounds like he's doing this for your own good... http://tfl.nu/dn1j

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