He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
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Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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