im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
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