I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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