ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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