oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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