You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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