i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize