i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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