Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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